So. Are you?
Are you consistently growing?
Let's take your relationship with yourself and with others.
How much do you participate in your relationships?
I have a young male client at this time who openly acknowledged to me today that the most he ever participates in his relationships is 40%. By that he means only 40% of who he is, is known by others. He is able to identify that his tendency to play it safe by keeping others at a same distance is connected to the death of his mother early in his life. While he understands it, his isolation perpetuates his pain and feeling of disconnection from others.
This young man clearly sees that there is a connection between his lack of participation in relationships and his emotional problems. He sees that the roadblock to participating more fully in relationships is fear of rejection, feelings of inadequacy, shame, and the potential of abandonment. Opening ourselves up to others does involve risk. At the same time a true sense of personal peace is only possible when we have an intimate circle in which we can be transparent.
You may be able to identify in some way with the challenge of the young man mentioned above. Are there aspects of who you are, or parts of your personal history that you have held back from people in your most intimate circle? What has blocked you from being more open? Not to sound trite, but the saying "The only way out is through" is true. Translated, the only way to transcend the self-centered emotions of fear of rejection, inadequacy, shame, and fear of abandonment are to show up more fully in relationships. Opening up and engaging more fully in relationships is good for your emotional, spiritual and physical health.
The theme of deeper involvement with others is emphasized throughout psychological and spiritual literature. The language used to describe this process may be different in various contexts. It may be referred to as being more of who you are, being authentic, opening up, confessing or countless other ways. From my perspective, it doesn't matter what you call it. Deep involvement and deeper disclosure is good for all aspects of your emotional, physical, spiritual and relational health. In the medical and psychology literature there are countless studies that validate this notion.
Within the major spiritual traditions the benefits of opening up are emphasized. In the Christian tradition, the value of confession is emphasized as a way of deepening one's relationship with God and reducing emotions such as guilt. Guilt is fueled by secrecy. Guilt is counter to personal peace and leaves us feeling separated from ourselves, God, and others. We all know on some level the negative emotional and physical consequences of guilt.
Within the Jewish tradition, Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement. This is a day that is devoted to confessional practices to achieve restitution and ultimately deepen one's relationship with God.
Within the Buddhist tradition, author Pema Chodron described the process and benefit of confession. The process of opening up leads to a spiritual cleansing, which allows an individual to transcend repetitive unfinished patterns of thinking, feeling and/or behaving.
The aspects of self or past behavior which we feel shameful about continues to have a way of running us if we continue to resist openly acknowledging them. I have heard it said many times, "that which we resists, persists".
I have also seen the emotional, physical and spiritual benefits of "opening up" for individuals (from different faith traditions) with drug, alcohol or other addictive problems who participate in 12 step programs. In 12 step programs there is also an emphasis on moving toward a greater experience of connection with God and others through the process of disclosure and sharing. In one of the steps, members as asked to conduct a "fearless moral inventory". In another step it is suggested that members take that inventory and share it with "God, ourselves and another human being..." There are later steps, which involve cleaning up past messes, repairing damaged relationships (with oneself and others) and conducting daily inventories and promptly acknowledging when one does wrong. I have seen amazing transformation occur within individuals who practice these principles at deep levels. They experience a greater connection with themselves, God and others, and as a result enjoy profound emotional and physical benefits.
This week's daily practices will be focused on helping you identify what you have not been completely open and honest about. Please use your journal. Remember, what you write is for your eyes only. You may at some time choose to share what you have written with someone. However, I believe you will be less likely to censor if you are writing for your eyes-only.
Here is a week of Daily Practices that can help you do some massive growing this week in the area of your relationship with yourself and others.
Day one: What is something(s) that you have not been completely honest with yourself and/or others regarding your relationships?
Day two: What is something(s) that you have not been completely honest with yourself and/or others regarding your health or health practices?
Day three: What is something(s) that you have not been completely honest with yourself and/or others regarding your career?
Day four: What is something(s) that you have not been completely honest with yourself and/or others regarding your spiritual life and/or adherence to my own moral standards?
Day five: Identify ways that you compromised in a way that has lead to me being less of yourself? Keep in mind the positive aspects of who you are, goals, dreams or aspirations you have let go in the name of compromise?
Day six: Identify something(s) you have done that you would not want anyone one else to know about or you have never share with anyone?
Day seven: Based on this weeks exercises, is there anything you could do to show up more fully in your life, such as transcend feelings of guilt or feel more authentic with yourself or others?
To Your Best Life!
Dr. Mike Davison
"Your Destiny Doctor"
P.S. Live deep and wide with a coach at your side. Do you have someone like Dr. Mike to help you live your best life?
P.S.S. If you have any questions about individualized consultation or coaching to help you live your big dream, contact me at mike@partnersinpurpose.com.
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